Tears streaming down my face. Seeking healing for purposes that seemed to be noble to further the kingdom. I was not seeking a healing for selfish gain...or was I?
My voice had been stripped of me like never before. I would try with all that was within me to let out even a peep and absolutely fail. All day I prayed and prayed that my voice would return in order to be prepared for the great church service coming that night. My deepest desire was to be able to sing and shout during worship then be able to pray for teens as they flooded the altar that night seeking a touch from God. My desire was to minister in a way that I felt as though God had gifted me...but with my current lack of vocal ability this was becoming more of a difficulty than I ever imagined...
As frustration built up near the conclusion of the service I reached a point of complete and utter defeat! “God- this stinks, why couldn’t you just heal me and allow me to be a part of this altar call?!?!” I am so glad that I have a heavenly father who does not get angered by my frustration, but rather seeks to show me His perfect will in love and patience.
It was at that point of me wanting to give up that God revealed to me that he did not necessarily want me to participate in this particular altar time, but rather he would desire to teach me a lesson in humility through my current state of silence that must be learned in order to so see all that He has in store for me.
It took being at a point of absolute silence...literally...not being able to utter a sound....that I was able to learn the tough lesson that it simply is not about me. That God will have his way whether I am a part of it or not. I love to be a part of what He is doing, but I never want to become so arrogant that rather than being a part I consider myself to be elite in some way.
I believe the silence came at the perfect time to teach me to rely on the most high God who is able to use anyone or anything that is willing to step aside and give him the glory He is due. The moment that vessel begins to think more of themselves than they should he will reveal just how powerful he really is. I once again see the power of Almighty God. Who am I that I thought that I was more than a simple servant of God Almighty?!?!
He must INCREASE and I must DECREASE!
